REMEMBER THE LIFE OF DALTON LEE ROBERTSON

by Quoc on Oct.01, 2005, under Previous Journal Entries

In Memory of
Dalton Lee Robertson
Friend, Mentor, Son, Life Partner, and an irreplaceable Man
May 14, 1963 – September 24, 2005

I had the honor of joining hundreds of family, friends, associates, and people that love Dalton to remember his life. The memorial started at 3PM and ended 5PM; it took place at MCC in West Hollywood. I called my sponsor prior to going to ask if it was a good idea and whether I was ready to go to a memorial service a little after 3 months of losing my Mother. My sponsor said yes, it’s ok to show up and see the impact the action of someone who chooses to take his life. How the loss of a member in recovery greatly impacts the lives of those that love and were loved by Dalton. This would be my first attendance to a memorial of someone in the program who died…

I left alone and headed towards West Hollywood. I took the bus so I didn’t have to worry about finding parking. I figured that this memorial would have overflowing attendance. When one is sober for 17+ years, he meets a lot of people that he has impacted in small and great ways! I got off the bus and walked toward the memorial with someone else that I ran into on the bus who was also headed there… I saw many familiar faces. I immediately felt out of place because I was not dressed in black or a suit… I was in a t-shirt and jeans. Eventhough many people know “who” I am, not many people “know who I am.” I haven’t really taken time out to spend time with people. They have invited me out to hang out with them, but those few occasions, I declined. I am afraid of people getting to know me and find out that I am a bore and find me uninteresting and not want to get to know me anymore… In any case, I was there to pay respects and spend a moment to honor a man who had impacted my life early in my sobriety. I had the opportunity to sign a book that may be cremated with him… I don’t remember much of what I signed except for “Go with God… and expressing gratitude for his making an impact in my sobriety from early in sobriety.” I followed the procession of people into the very very packed church. Dalton’s partner of 18 years was there, as was his Mother, Sister and other family. It was standing room only… There was a proliferation of people who were in the lobby and unable to come in because the church was sooo full.

Friends and family went up to the podium and shared their stories… The first time they met Dalton and the impact that Dalton had on their lives… I don’t think I can ever recall the first encounters with anyone. I guess that just isn’t how I am wired. Some words that were used to describe Dalton: unwavering, consistent, generous, spiritual, loving, supportive, patient, trustworthy, funny, witty, and big emphasis on how Dalton was of service (he who gave to others in order to receive the gift of sobriety and a life that one’s wildest dreams can every imagine).

I laughed as much as I cried with the people in the room during the memoriam. There was the funny comment of a male friend who was offended and replied, “Did she just call me gerl?!” There was the depiction of how expressive Dalton was with his hands when he communicated… There was the visual slideshow of Dalton… I laughed and cried through a lot of that… It began with a commentary made by Dalton… I only remember the part where he said that one man “can make a difference in life of another person.” The most emotional part was when Dalton’s partner stood up and shared about how they met and their first date to the zoo… And he even read an edited version of Dalton’s suicide note. There was nothing less than love, apologies, and just sharing that no one could have done anything to prevent what had happened. The last line on the note was to all of us… that his death is something he chose to do and “none of us are at fault for what had transpired.”

By 5PM, Amazing Grace had been sung and the hundreds of people had joined hands and recited the serenity prayer… I parted way briskly and walked toward the bus stop… I didn’t stay to mingle and share with other people… I didn’t go up to the family to extend my condolences… I was feeling very deflated and sad for the loss… I was feeling angry that the only time that I called Dalton was the night that I found out Dalton had died and got his roomate answering the phone at 11:30PM sharing that Dalton had died… Why did I call? Maybe I was hoping that this news was just a vicious rumor or it was another Dalton that had passed away and the Dalton I knew would answer the phone and I would have an opportunity to get to know him…

I am home now… I get to honor Dalton by living my life and being grateful for the things I have so I may appreciate the things that I get. I get to be genuine and open… I get to pray and ask God to bring friends closer to me so I may make “gerlfriends” with and spend time with… I have a couple, but I don’t really have group of people that I am really close to. I get to make decisions on what really makes me happy and will fulfill each precious moment of life that I am blessed with. Tonight I will do the Express Dating for me… I really feel as if I should be going to a recovery meeting as a post visit after the memoriam… It may be exactly what I need. I don’t know… Sigh…

Dalton, may you find the peace wherever you are now that you couldn’t find here with us. You continue to live in my heart and the hearts of people world wide… You will be missed, but you will never be forgotten by those you touched. Thank you for being that upstanding member of recovery and practicing the principles of the program all the way to the end… We remember the life that you lived and carry that in celebration of the lives that we are blessed with… Be with God and be the talented design artist you are in heaven.

Deep respect and love from a sober member of recovery and friend,

Quoc

4 Comments for this entry

Anonymous
October 10th, 2005 on 11:41 PM
another AA success story!
Anonymous
December 4th, 2005 on 8:40 PM
Wow!
Very sentimental and well writen. I think your journale pieces should be share with other people and help them to overcome any obstacles in life.
keep the good work and I wish you lots of lucks and find your soulmate.
Debra Robertson Nelms
May 21st, 2008 on 8:10 AM
Dearest Quoc, I am sitting here crying like a baby because of the wonderful tribute that you have given my brother Dalton Lee. I am his older half-sister who still lives in Arkansas. We share a father, and Ann Robertson is my wonderfully loving step-mom, who has always been there for me. Lee and I were very close and his death was devasting. We hadn’t talked in months before he died. I was there at the memorial, it was my half-sister, Robyn, who spoke at the podium. Craig Robertson is my cousin. And John was a dear friend.

I sincerely wish you had come to the gathering at Lee and John’s duplex after the memorial. It would have been very nice to have met you and shared loving memories of my dear brother. I am sorry that didn’t happen, but I can understand your reluctance to attend that part of the gathering.

It is hard for me to call him Dalton because, here at home, he was just sweet Lee. I will share a funny story about Lee:

About 20 years ago when my oldest daughter (Leslee, who was also at the memorial — she loves her Uncle Lee dearly) was about 15, Lee and John came to Fayetteville for a visit. I had a newborn child, Lee’s second neice, Kathryn Clementine Robertson Nelms, K.C. (oh, how he loved her name) and I wasn’t up to much cooking etc. So, ever confident Lee decided he was going to make our Grandmother’s secret recipe for Lemon Ice Box Pie; a southern favorite. We were all so excited that he could remember the recipe. Our Grandmother was gone on her way to another life by that time. At any rate, mouths were watering with great anticipation! Finally Lee produced the pie from the refrigerator, proudly holding it out for show with those glorious hands of his and that funny hip-slung stance. We, being of the same gene pool, applauded grandly. Well, not little KC, I think she cried. And, of course we took a photo or two of the grand chef and his creation.

We sat down at my old antique oak dining table and with great flare served up the beautiful creamy lemon yellow pie. Well, dear Brother had forgotten the secret to Mamaw’s (read grandmother’s) pie. He had used three times the lemon juice required! For the rest of the night we were all moaning and groaning with the belly ache and of course glaring at Lee. (I have a photo of John to lemon pie death, curled up in our big easy chair.) But we quickly forgave Lee, because of his endearing enthusiastic demeanor and our great love for such a loving man.

My tears have stopped now. I suppose because of the story I just told you. I will forever have Dalton Lee Robertson in my heart and soul. I loved him deeply. He was a sweet little boy, with a big secret who lived in a small biased, conservative, close minded, southern town of 2000 folks. He loved to catch snakes and proudly bring them in to show Ann, our father, sister and whoever else was hanging around. Ann always said something like , “Gad Lee, get that thing out of here.” He was 9, I was 19. He over came his adversities with flare and grace and I am so proud to have witnessed his journey.

Do you know what John has done about Lee’s remains? My Step-Mom has moved away from LA and has given up trying to learn about her only son’s remains. Could you ask John to either call me or send an email? I am not angry, offended, or predatory. I would love to talk to John, as he was part of my family also. And I want badly to know where Lee lies. Please, please, pass this on to him.

One more thing, please? What was the name of the wonderful beauty contest gay benefit that Lee Mc’d? That’s how I found your website – looking for info on the benefit. For the life of me I can’t remember what it was officially called!

Thank you so much for your memorial to Dalton Lee Robertson. I had no idea it was here. Bless you Quoc. I pray your health and sobriety continue.
(please forgive any errors in grammer or spelling, this was free form thought pretty much)
With gratitude,
Debra Robertson Nelms
Debra Robertson Nelms
May 21st, 2008 on 8:21 AM
Oops! Correction on Debra’s previous message:

It’s me again — In the above message, paragraph five, the line about John in the easy chair should read: “. . . John close to lemon pie death. . .” not “. . .John to lemon pie death. . .”

Thanks again,
Debra Robertson Nelms