Quoc’s Web Journal

Hello my lovely family of the world and vessels to my direct contact to my Higher Power.  Sorry I haven’t stayed in touch… I’ve been seriously contemplating about the deleterious effects of my most recent blogs…  This is in light of my stumble coming to light in the eyes of my current employer. 

With that being said, I am gonna do my best to continue blogging as I know this is the only way that some of you folks get to stay up to date with the wild world and on-going saga of Quoc’s life…  For now, the nitty gritty details will be kept under lock and key in a written journal I do on a daily basis (yes in addition to this blog!).  The public information will be kept fairly generic for now… Doesn’t mean that my life is anything but generic.  But why do I need to share with you folks who have been reading on a regular basis…  You already know that!

Suffice it to say, I truly know the meaning of the phrase “cunning, baffling, and powerful” from the Big Book when addressing the disease of alcoholism.  I have to accept that this disease is 100 times more clever than I am and will find ways to poke holes and sabotage anything I do.  The Book also quotes that “probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.”  This means that I need to re-establish my conscious contact with a Power Greater than myself…  There is no possible way I can do that when under the influence of any mind altering substance…

As my past sponsor shares all the time, regardless of whether it’s yoga, AA, religion, meditation or any other ritual that is done…  It probably works better when I am not high on drugs…

I am thankful to be alive today.  I can’t express how grateful I am for your love and support.  I can’t do it without you… YES YOU READING THIS RIGHT NOW!!!  I need you so desperately.  Thank you for practicing and demonstrating what my Higher Power stands for: unconditional love, compassion, tolerance, mercy, and patience.

If you’d like to hear via a personal e-mail or talk with me about the “nitty gritty” details of my life, send me an e-mail at quoclam@gmail.com.  I will happily share it with you.  Again, please continue to keep me in your prayers and thoughts and thank you for continuing to send me your love via comments, e-mails, phone calls, text messages…  It distracts me from negative self-thinking and self-obsession and self-sabotage.

This process is a matter of life and death.  I need to be very cognizant of this.  With the whole process of being relieved of the physical craving of wanting to get high and the whole fun of exhaustion from withdrawals, there will follow the time when the insanity and the self obsession and the excuses I will come up with to take me out again…  I know I can do this, but only with help…  I can’t…  We can… I am willing to ask for help and accept it… 

Goodness this is a scary process… Relapse sucks when one has some knowledge and experience with living and being sober.  I don’t recommend it!!!

Stay in touch!!!

Quoc

PS – I will be in training all this week, but will try to do daily blogs…  From Friday April 4 – 7… I will be participating in a Men’s Spiritual Retreat up on Santa Barbara and will not have access to technology as I will be staying in a monastery for a weekend of self reflection, fellowship and spiritual re-connection with God.  This means I definitely won’t be blogging this weekend.