Quoc’s Web Journal

All one needs to begin the process of recovery whether it be the first time or the 100th time are the following qualities: honesty, openmindedness, and willingness.  The first letters of each word spell H.O.W.  That is what someone actively working the recovery program asks: HOW do I do this?  Then there is the person who doesn’t work a strong program, (s)he would ask “WHY” should I do this?  That is the mindset of a person who is still questioning the integrity of the program or the solution being offered when the act of coming into recovery and being a part of this fellowship is the willingness to trust a group of people that have some experience with living sober, sane and serene one day at a time.

 I am pleased and relieved to announce that my mind and body are finally in congruence with God’s desire and will for me to have the desire and will to stay sober one day at a time and place recovery first over all other matters and trust that everything will fall in place as long as I continue to place recovery first!!!  I will continue to have using thoughts and desires to use as I move through one day at a time…  These thoughts and desires and cravings should subside given time and strenuous, vigorous and continuously working the program!!!  I can’t wait for that day…

Right now, what I need to focus on is to surround myself with a group of loving and supportive people as well as focus on the solution with the help of another fellow alcoholic.  For now, there should be no decision I should make without first running the thought, idea or plan by someone sober first!!!  This should help prevent me from having yet another relapse and debacle where I lose something really big and experience that “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralizing” feeling again.  I need to arrest this disease with the help of God through other people and remember the first time I came into the program back in May 19, 2003, I had that pitiful and incomprehensible demoralizing feeling and my current sponsor reminds me that acronym spells: P.A.I.D.  I have already paid my dues to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.  What I have been doing as a result of my relapse back in June of 2006 and more recently in March is continue to pay for something that has been paid for over and over again!!!  Now that is what he calls insane!!!

I am going to hold onto this feeling of being done and having taken the action of distinguishing and eliminating any and all reservations and back doors that will lead me back to relapse mode, hopefully this will help me move closer to successfully staying clean and sober one day at a time…  It was incredibly challenging to let go of something that provided me with easy and free access to drugs, sex and marathon insanity.  I definitely see the end being a REAL crash and burn…

I do and need to continue to do this recovery thing for myself and not worry about getting validation from anyone else!!!  In order to give this gift of recovery fully to myself is dependent upon how generously I give to other people; meaning giving of my time, ears to listen, shoulders to cry on, arms to embrace you, and whatever means I can to be of service to my fellow addict/alcoholic.

 Some people in the program don’t stay in the program or don’t fully give themselves to the program because they believe the program doesn’t work for them…  The FACT is that for REAL alcoholics/addicts who suffer from a spiritual malady, obsession of the mind and a body that physically craves for mind altering substances and do work the program exactly the way it is designed find it virtually impossible to relapse.  The program of recovery works… When the person stops working the program is when the program stops working for the person and when we stop working on the disease, the disease will start working on us.

Here to staying clean and sober today… As my Sponsor has me recite: I am a wonderful sober man today!  Without your help, I wouldn’t have made it this far…  I CAN’T THANK YOU ENOUGH!

 Cheers,

Quoc