Quoc’s Web Journal

“Day Seven, Not In Heaven.”  Haven’t we read this before recently?  Yes, yes, you aren’t losing your mind and no no we’re not experiencing Deja vu!!!  At least I hope not as the last time I had seven days clean and sober, I still wanted to get loaded and didn’t care much for recovery as much as I knew I needed it.

 This time, I want recovery more than I want to get high…  Do I still have thoughts of using?  Yep!  As I was told, the thoughts will come, these thoughts will become more infrequent with each consecutive day that passes that I stay clean and sober.  I can’t really control the thoughts; what I can control is my response to these thoughts!!!  I don’t entertain these thoughts when they come and as of late, they are coming a dozen every ten minutes!

So sure I don’t feel like I am in heaven at day seven…  What I also know is as a result of getting clean and sober this time around, eventhough it seems that God didn’t open the gates of heaven to let me in, God definitely did “open the gates of Hell” to let me out!!!

Lately, I find myself searching and mapping out the different tobacco shops and other shops that sell pipes and other paraphernalia that allow for smoking of drugs!  Ack…  I have been going to a meeting everyday since I started on day one last Friday, April 18.  I need to have a plan in place for Friday evening and the rest of the weekend as by my own devices, I may put myself on the slippery slopes of relapse again and really relapse and end up losing enough to need to let go of my car, home, job and go stay at the Van Ness Recovery House for recovery!!!  Now, that is definitely NOT HOT!!!

 I pray that God lifts my obsession and desire to use and get loaded.  I pray to help me resist from going on-line and hooking up with guys and placing self in a position to relapse.  Right now the one person I need to learn to have a relationship with is me.

I can’t wait to go home as I am sleepy!!!  I am sooo sleepy!!!  Thanks peeps for checking in and giving me a shout out!  For those of you who are curious, yes, yes, I know I haven’t posted the before and after shots of myself.  I will…

 Cheers,

Quoc