2008 May 04

Archive for May 4th, 2008

Hunter W. Allen’s Memorial: Saturday, May 3, 2008

by Quoc on May.04, 2008, under Personal

So, it’s 1:17A right now, Sunday, May 4, 2008. I just got home from hanging out with a friend to catch up on my day… Here are the highlights…

Slept most of the day to recuperate from my cold… It worked!!! I am 80% better!

I got ready and headed over to Hunter Allen’s Memorial at Hollywood Forever Cemetary from 5:30P – 8P+.

I hauled *ss over to recovery meeting from 8:30P – 10P

Hung out with sober friend from 10P – 12:15A…

Will have 16 days clean and sober when my head hits the pillow tonight!

I can’t begin to share about the impact this past day has had on me… I sit here looking at Hunter Allen’s myspace page and looking at his pictures. I never took time to get to know him… Sigh… After listening and joining in with the hundreds of folks who attended the Memorial with Hunter, I realized that I really didn’t know that man at all! What I am thankful for is the opportunity to have met him and that I took time out to honor and celebrate his life tonight along with his family and friends.

I am truly at a loss for words at the experience I had at tonight’s memorial by the reflection pool at the Hollywood Forever Cemetary. I can only share with you some highlights from what I saw, felt and heard; even the following words cannot do justice and illustrate the very powerful experience I got to partake in this past evening.

We started pretty promptly at 6P with a quick intro before enjoying some dinner and sharing of memories about Hunter with each other. I took time to reunite with some long lost friends and of course hug and share stories about Hunter with others. There were moments when I just sat back and looked out at the green field with the hundreds of people sitting there; all of us in communion to grieve the lost of such a young and exuberant man and also to celebrate his life (what he would have wanted us to do). I participated in signing the banner that will be held up when the cyclist come in for the ALC; something he was gonna do this year.

This was truly a beautiful Memorial with stories from the podium from his good friends, his Parents and his Sister. Hunter’s Mom’s partner who helped raise him shared the following sentiment: to those who are in recovery whether one had 3 days, 30 years, 3 years, or even 1 day clean and sober and have experienced a relapse “remember that you are the same person as before you relapsed: beautiful, good, good enough, accepted, loved, appreciated, and talented… etc…” It was because Hunter forgot that or couldn’t accept that reality which possibly lead him to take his own life. Feeling that he wasn’t worthy of being loved or earned the love, respect and adoration of people in and out of recovery. That was so powerful!

His Sister shared the following sentiment: that she feels that it is within her right being as close to Hunter to make the following request; that we make this moment a moment of rejoicing and celebrating his life and remembering all the good things he did and the good times we had with him as from this point forth, Hunter’s spirit no longer resides in that shell we call the body… He is a free spirit now driving a car in heaven and moving forward in his next level of existence. He would look at his rear view mirror every now and then to see his past life… What do we want him to see? Us crying and in despair or us smiling back at him as he looks back…

All parties shared that Hunter is now finally experiencing ”permanent freedom from bondage of this disease and infinite peace.” This is something his family has wished for him! People questioned where Hunter is and were reminded of by the wind blowing in their faces as they continued training for the AIDS Life Cycle; by the peacock calling out in the distance; by a joke that would randomly come out of the mouth of a friend who usually wouldn’t tell such a joke… Hunter is indeed around us and continues to be our guide and hold a candle for us in times of darkness and also be warm wind that embraces us in times when we feel cold or just the call of an animal reminding us that he’s right there loving, supporting and caring for us until we meet again.

The conclusion of the evening was a reinactment of the candles lit from his parents first and watched as we waited for those people who’s candles were lit to be passed onto us and we onto the next person…. Then we joined in a circle around the reflecting pool… There were hundreds around the reflection pool; it was silent as we held silent meditation in honor of him; the silence was broken by sniffles and people breaking down in tears then laughter and giggle as we heard yet another animal call. People wept as I did… I smiled as I cried… We heard a peacock call out in the disance… Then we heard a ducks call out as three flew over us and lastly a hawk call out from somewhere above us… Each time, we laughed and thought it’s Hunter’s way of letting us know he’s right there with us. Then in unison we held our candles above us as if toasting Hunter in the life he lived on earth and blessing him on his journey beyond this world. We watched the family start blowing out their candles signifying the closure of Hunter’s life here on earth and supporting God in receiving him gently in his journey forth… I had goosebumps (and have them now) as we watched the candles being blown out in succession one after another all the way down the reflection pool. It was a very very beautiful sight to see… We found people we knew and embraced each other again to comfort one another before we set out for our cars as the night air was very cool.

The picture above is the original picture of the candle lighting from the ALC in the past year(s); it is not a picture from the candle lighting from the memorial. We re-enacted this around the reflection pool at the Hollywood Forever Cemetary. The scene was just as beautiful and just as powerful!

Again, I am not feeling at my best and not feeling very eloquent tonight, but I felt it very important to record some of my impressions from this evening. I had a moment that thought that any one of my relapses from the past couple months could have led to a very very similar memorial, but instead of Hunter, it would be me that people would be grieving over the loss. I am very mindful fo the fact that I have a second chance to do this recovery one more time. Without shame, guilt, or punishment for having a disease that wants me loaded and dead, but will settle for me miserable. I get to extend that which my Higher Power exudes: Love, Tolerance, Mercy, Compassion, and Patience.

For those who want to view some of the pictures from the Memorial or would like to see pictures of our (my) friend, please go to the following sites… One very special one is www.thebabydragonfund.com as it has been created in memory of Hunter and proceeds will go to support youth impacted by crystal meth and hopefully will prevent for yet another unecessary loss of someone as precious as Hunter.

Again, Hunter, thank you for being my friend and helping me stay clean and sober one day at a time. Thank you for extending your hand out to me when I relapsed and welcomed me back and having confidence and faith that I could make it back. Thank you for continuing to light my path when it gets dark and helping me find my way back in the sunlight of the Spirit again.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF HUNTER W. ALLEN