Quoc’s Web Journal

HELLO THERE INQUIRING MINDS!!! Besides recovery, work, therapy and working on incorporating exercise and other fun extra curricular activities, I am sure you folks wanna know how my DATING life is going no?!?! Well, here we go… I am gonna really free write here as there are so many thoughts, feelings and questions that come up as I experience and share…

THINGS ARE GREAT!!! Things are exciting… I have always been a one man relationship oriented kind of guy… I met this amazing guy frankly by accident… I had no plans or intentions or expectations to really find anyone right now… As a matter of fact, I made a commitment to focus on my recovery and to not even make any more investments on relationships as they have been my pitfalls for relapse… Back in June 10, 2006 and then around March 2008. I find myself not in a position to be in a relationship where I feel whole and can practice a modified 7th tradition of being “emotionally self-supporting.” I want to be in a place where I am a complete and whole man that will be sharing a relationship with another “whole” man… I don’t know if I am half baked or not…

So, when I least expect and want a relationship is when I meet this amazing guy who is beautiful in every respect… He’s physically beautiful; he’s intelligent, employed, has a car, close to my age, has a place of his own, and financially self-supporting. The parts that made me fall head over heals for him are the following:

1) The most beautiful eyes I have ever seen set into the face of an incredibly adorable guy…

2) I love his affection and passion… The kisses and just holding him make for one to easily fall in love with…

3) He has a very great energy about him… He dresses in clothing that is colorful with zaney patterns and designs… His personality naturally draws me to him… He’s a sexy “goofball” in my book!!!

4) He seems to have a great sense of humor!!! Very very important!!!

Finally, there is a golden rule a past sponsee sister used to say… That any relationship is built on the firm foundation that there is equal contribution into the relationship. Each person is whole and compliments the person very well… No one party is taking or giving more than what the other party is. I feel I have this amazing dichotomy with this man… I have fun with him… He’s incredibly sexy, funny, romantic, and just a great guy to hang out with… I can see me calling him one of my best friends which I firmly believe is the foundation of any healthy relationship let alone one that may lead to romance…

I have some questions I need those who are reading this and have experience with being in a romantic relationship… Those who have experience that didn’t work out so great, please share what didn’t work… Those who did/do have relationships that worked out wonderfully, please also share with me your experience strength and hope…

Here are my questions:

1) How much should I participate in this person’s life? I want to do some of the things he does and has an interest in, but I definitely am ok with just appreciating that he has different interests than I do and we get to share with each other things we enjoy doing without needing to expect the other party to need to be completely involved or interested in what each of us do for fun/hobbies, etc…

2) How often should I be in contact with this person when it comes to phone calls, text messages, seeing him and spending the night with him? I don’t know how much is too much… As an alcoholic, I am a pig, I want all of it a lot and all the time!!! I am like a dog or goldfish… I don’t know when to stop sometimes… Thankfully, I believe I have been keeping a healthy mentality about this and doing it in “moderation.” Goodness knows moderation tends to be a very very very foreign term for alcoholics!!!

3) How different is too different? What I mean is as much as we have some common interests, what about the things that are different between us? How different is too different? Current and future aspirations with family, career, romance, and other personal interests… What I do know is I find this man incredibly fascinating and his world equally fascinating and new to me… My fear is that I won’t be able to speak to those things/hobbies that he is interested in and may come off sounding like stupid and turn him off as we don’t have enough shared and common interests… Does this just mean this allows for great dynamic between the two of us or does this mean it’s just a set up for disappointment?

4) If we don’t have a lot in common, then is feeling a “connection” with him enough to sustain a romantic relationship? I dunno…

Here is the bottom line from what I gather… My Higher Power and myself have no idea what will come of this very new relationship I get to practice with my Sun-Sean. I believe my Higher Power has given me an opportunity to find out my likes and dislikes with this person as this person will grow from getting to know me. We’ll get to explore and find the things each of us like and dislike… We’ll get to practice open and honest communication with each other. There is that part of a relationship: the liking or disliking a person and finding them sexy or not that one cannot control…

Right now what I know is that I am incredibly turned on by him physically and mentally… I think he is sooo physically sexy!!! I am incredibly turned on by him emotionally, intellectually and mentally… We have a shared experience that is stiumlating on many levels…

Right now, I am going through the infatuated phase… As much as I am practicing prioritizing recovery and living my life and incorporating him into it, there is a part of me that desperately wants to be with him and talk to him a lot and be in physical touch with him a lot and wants to take it to the level of exclusive dating… The reality is that I am pulling back and keeping things very very simple and allowing these thoughts and feelings to pass like the floating clouds and those that are authentic and healthy for my blossoming relationship with him to stay around…

God has no idea whether this will work out or not… I don’t think that’s the point… The point is that I get to cross paths with this man with the hopes of getting to give and receive, love, affection and have an opportunity for growth. This may last a month, a year or a lifetime… What I get to do is appreciate each moment I get to spend with this man and I really like and so happen to find incredibly sexy on so many levels… I get to act on my character defects and practice replacing them with my character assets. I remember that God’s will in this relationship is about love and service and my will means it’s about me, me, me!!!

Argh… I can’t quite compose my thoughts as I think about this man… We’ve crossed through some pretty interesting turning points and very pivotal moments in our lives that have affected how we have been behaving in an attempt to live life as fully as possible selfishly or self-lessly…

What I want is to continue taking this slow and really appreciate this for as long as I get to have with him. As my Sponsor reminds me with his relationship with his boyfriend…. He is confident in saying that he does not “need” this relationship. He can choose to leave the relationship and still be a whole man. He doesn’t want to leave of course, but he has the freedom to choose and not feel that a part of him will break off and fall apart. This is poetically beautiful…

I hope to continue to enjoy my Sun-Sean as time continues… As more comes and I am not as tired from writing sooo much while thinking and feeling, I will share or modify the journal…

I INVITE YOUR FEEDBACK WITH THE QUESTIONS ABOVE… I am sure I will get the answer with this relationship as we move along… Goodness but I am having fun hanging out with him… I care a lot for this individual…

OUR ANNIVERSARY = FRIDAY, MAY 16, 2008… My romantic side hopes to get to celebrate this with him!

Ok… gotta get to other chores…

Cheers,

Quoc