Quoc’s Web Journal

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So, wow!!!  Yet another full day!!!  I spent it trying to manage my manager/co-trainer and co-facilitate it the best I can without stressing out!  Some way to start the work week!  I did it as professionally as I can.  I am trying to let go of “friendship” while still appeasing my boss who clearly doesn’t know how to separate professional from personal!  She takes things far too personally and then that affects how she manages me.  It’s NOT OK!!!

I drive home after a full day of training…  On the drive, I have old using thoughts from back in the day when I hooked up with Ba*** and that other young guy that joined us.  Hell, what am I talking about!  I was super young.  Suffice it to say, I had a moment where I pounded the steering wheel as I really regretted not getting to reconnect with that young guy… Sigh…

I called a few people to complain about the degree of emotional pain I was in… I was clearly in self and not thinking of others.  I got home and buckled down and cleaned up the kitchen area finally!!!  It hasn’t been cleaned and touched since the week before J*** left… That is the week of friggin 2/9/09!  Ack!!!  Gross!!!  Today was the official day that J*** was supposed to move out.  Clearly he moved out the Sunday prior on 2/15/09…  I am deeply saddened by the fact that he hasn’t logged onto facebook; gone to work to my knowledge or has been found in a meeting.  I was hoping he would just face the consequences of his behavior as a sober man!  I still don’t know whether he is indeed sober or not.  The likelihood is that he hasn’t.  Very very very very sad…  This damn disease…

I am glad that I finally cleaned up the mess that was left behind by J***.  I can’t seem to get the disgusting burnt smell from him burning the cinnamon buns… It’s been weeks!  Darn it!!!  I also am angry that he destroyed my baking tray/pan… It was very expensive and now I can barely scour the stuff off of it!  Argh!!!

I got home to check my facebook before going to my late night big book study meeting.  I found a message from Sean!!!  OH NO!!!  He wrote to check in with me…  I called a couple friends crying…

I shared that I am in such a weakened emotional state what with J*** and my work situation and my credit card situation and just all of the little annoyances of life happening that receiving this message couldn’t have been at a worse time!  I was exhausted… I felt like I couldn’t go on!  I really couldn’t deal anymore!  I shared that I was physically and emotionally spent…  I just cried…

I finished up my laundry, my dishes and turned the heat off the congee to help me with my stomach problems…  Then went to my meeting.  I felt inconsolable!  Again here is to the miracle of meetings, showing up, being of service and listening to the common solution among alcoholics…

I got to hear exactly what I needed to hear from the multiple shares… I needed guidance and direction as to how to proceed and I got it from a reading in the Big Book that we did for the evening…  It wrote that my “life depended upon constantly thinking of others and how I may be of service to them!!!  I just found yet another favorite page of the Big Book… Page 19 – 20!!!  Yippee!!! 

The solution I heard was that I have been thinking of how these people did me wrong and why they targeted me as the prey of their actions…  Solution?  IT’S NOT ABOUT ME!!

- My boss is going what she needs to go through because she is desperate to maintain her job!

- My friend J*** didn’t steal my credit cards to hurt me; rather he is in his disease and this is how a person who IS NOT SOBER acts; regardless of the person who is on the receiving end!

- Sean sending that message updating me on his life and letting me know whether he “wanted to call or contact me or not” has nothing to do with him knowing that I am in a lot of emotional pain and now he is rubbing salt in my wound by contacting me now and making me resist from acting on the very thing that I want the most and getting to do the sober adult action of knowing that this is the last thing that I need for myself and my sobriety!

I get to take a kindly and tolerant view of these people acting in their insanity and let them go with love and detach myself from needing to personalize peoples actions!!! 

Someone again reminded me, if these people were standing at my door and asked to come in; would I let them in?  The answer is a resounding NO!!!  Then if I am unwilling to let them into my home, WHY WOULD I ALLOW THEM TO ENTER MY MIND AND STAY IN MY MIND AND RENT FREE EMOTIONAL SPACE?!?!

What I get to remember today is that I get to stop asking “where’s mine” when the fact is that these are but the everyday natural occurrences in life.  I get to experience and detach or embrace the problem and challenge as my own and nurse on it; preventing myself from moving into solution…  Thanks to all my close friends who continue to support me and give me sound guidance on acting like a mature, sober adult who gets to extend love, tolerance, patience and mercy to others and myself!!!

WHAT IS MY DECISION TO BE?

Niters,

Quoc

PS – I have a terrible head ache still from hitting my head against the damn pole over the weekend.  My write knee is badly bruised as well…  And yes I am still having stomach pains from whatever infection or food poisoning happened to me.

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Here are some pictures of the family visit to the Hsi Lai Temple on Sunday, 2/22/09…  I am thankful to have a moment when I walked into the main prayer room with 3 huge deities looking down at me smiling and blessing me with any wish I want/need…  I asked for my friend J*** to be well and that he may be blessed with the gift that I have of sobriety, love, family and a sense of purpose… Of being wanted, needed and useful… 

I am thankful the outcome was that I thought of others and wished for the best for others!!!  That means that despite all the wants I have, I recognize I have everything I need and all the things that complete me… I have that…  I couldn’t be more grateful and pray that others have what I have…

Here are pictures for you to enjoy!!!

Peace,

Quoc

Before you launch into hearing about the woes of my life, here are some great pictures highlighting some of the activities from this past weekend!  Click on the thumbnail itself to view the full size!

What the heck man?!?!?!

I am sooo friggin baffled right now…  I am thinking that things couldn’t get worse, and here I sit here with a knot on my left forehead, bruised knees and a minor headache…  Oh, did I fail to mention to you that I have been running back and forth to the bathroom all evening long as a result of possible food poisoning?!?!  Oh wait, my God Damn blackberry pearl decided to run out of memory a couple times today including this evening and delete all incoming text messages as they came in tonight… 

MY RESPONSE?  BRING IT ON!!!  What more does life wanna throw at me?!?!?!  I challenge life to continue happening as I will not yield to alcohlic behavior.  I will continue to share my feelings and thoughts honestly, go to meetings, force myself to reach out to my support group no matter how difficult it may be right now, and just keep suiting up and showing up for those I get to love and be of service to as well as get to receive love and service to!

So, what is the last update since my last blog?

- Friday, 2/20/09 I muddled through the day thankfully with a very positive attitude as a lot of my colleagues were in pain and going through challenges of one sort or another.  Goodness!!!  I got to be of service and support them and help them accomplish their goals all the meanwhile trying to get my priorities taken care of.  I left as soon as my work shift was over!  I don’t recall how I spent the evening…  Oh yeah, I do remember yet another challenging day calling my bank to reverse the overdraft charges, contacting the credit card company to reimburse me for the penalties incurred as a result on a payment in error on their part, and just trying to figure out how to access enough income to get me through this upcoming week… I have 26 dollars in cash on me; no access to any cash on my ATM and access to only $100 on one credit card for the next week!!!  Everything is being processed because it’s all a “MINOR INCONVENIENCE” according to the damn lady cop at Hollywood Police Station!  UNFRIGGIN’ BELIEVABLE!!!

- Saturday, 2/21/09 I sleep in a bit and pull myself together to be with my family who have rented a Beach House down in Newport Beach.  My brother in law’s parents are in as well as my dear Ms. Jennifer… I consider her an aunt of mine and a dear dear friend!  I desperately needed this getaway!  We had a grand and relaxing time eating lots of yummy food, strolling all over Newport Beach and just laughing a whole lot!!!  The weather was gorgeous!  I so desperately needed this down time.  The only problem for me was being annoyed by not having access to money to contribute to the festivities; thank goodness my family is doing well enough!  I also had stomach problems all day long… I had gas pains all day long.  I am thinking it might have something to do with eating something that wasn’t very fresh and further agitated by my eating ice cream and drinking lactose enriched milk!  EEK!!!

- Saturday, 2/21/09 I went to an evening meeting down in Newport Beach.  Suffice it to say that I will not say anything since I have NOTHING nice to say about that experience!!!  I couldn’t be more grateful and glad to have AA in Los Angeles!!!  There is no better sobriety than the celebration and inspiration of AA in Los Angeles!  I drove home late in the evening after more late evening exchange of stories about our good ol’ school days and funny stories about teaching and those funny moments when students fall asleep etc…  We dined on delcious cakes and cookies from a wonderful bakery… Oh yeah, this is after a sumptuous meal at a wonderful Italian Restaurant!  You go Mama Ds!!!

- Sunday, 2/22/09 I woke really late to prepare to spend the afternoon with my family at the Hsi Lai Temple (largest buddhist temple on the western hemisphere) in Hacienda Heights.  We broke bread as a family one last time before going our separate ways; me taking my baby sis back to her home and me returning back home to deal with my stomach pains… I spent the rest of the evening resting and keeping hydated as I lost and continue to lose a lot of fluids!!! 

So, truth is all and all, this weekend was very very wonderful and rewarding.  I need a day just to regroup by myself: do dishes, clean my bathroom, clean up some clutter, file completed paperwork, do some stepwork and if anything to sit in silence and do more stepwork!  Instead, what I get is right now the stress of not having any chores done, a few bruises here and there from accidents over the weekend, my phone acting up on me when I need it to really work optimally, and of course my damn stomach problems creating havoc on  my inability to stay too far from the bathroom.  I went to my meeting at 8PM and got to give a cake to recognize a friend in his sober birthday; I felt badly I couldn’t even go out with him to celebrate his birthday!

On the way out of the meeting, I got to check in with my support group… I have had some passing using thoughts… I shared honestly about it with them after the meeting.  Apparently, there is still a lot of anger brewing inside me…  I was ranting about being angry at J*** for being MIA…  Yeah, I am mad at him for stealing from me and causing me all this heart ache…  However, I want him to stay sober; stay close to his support group; and stay in solution!!!  To cop up to mistakes made and to work towards cleaning it up rather than taking it and checking out by relapsing and possibly killing himself!!!  Gawd, this friggin’ disease is a b*tch!!!  I am angry and sad at the same time because of this…  I want him to do well; I want him to have the same opportunity to experience what I currently get to experience with freedom from the bondage of my disease.

I get to be a human being having a spiritual experience and perhaps realize that I am a spiritual being having a human experience in the future to come…  For now, I need to crawl into bed and feel the spasms from my stomach and intestines as it is incredibly unhappy with whatever is inside me!!!  Argh!!!

Quoc

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OMG!!!  I so can’t keep up with the UNWANTED drama in my life!!!  So, this past week and a half has literally been one of the worst weeks of my sobriety!!!  Thankfully, I have been able to walk through it sober.  Here are just highlights…

- Tuesday, 2/10/09 I receive a phone call from Target Credit Card Fraud Department asking whether I have been using my card all day long…  No, I didn’t buy a monthly bus pass, stuff at multiple 7-11, and clothes at American Apparel and Guess!  It totalled over $500!!!  Thankfully, the credit card company put a stop to that and canceled the current card and issued a new one.  While I was on the phone with them, the card was being used and denied at a 7-11… Whoever you are… You are so gonna have bad ju jus!!!

- Saturday evening, 2/14/09 I review my past transactions on my other cards; I find an unfamiliar charge for $60 on that card…  I look in my wallet and find that my card is still in my posession.  I call to find out what that charge was on 1/20/09.  The charge was made over the phone by J*** to pay for his cell bill!!!  Both phone number and name were identified!!!  This is late Saturday night… I got very upset and couldn’t sleep and eat for the next day…

- Sunday, 2/15/09 I have support from friends to see to it that J*** vacates my space.  As a matter of fact, all his belongings are placed in trash bags and moved into my car for temporary storage.  I had every intention of taking it to him whereever he was and to retrieve my keys!!!  I had mixed emotions all day from crying to yelling from anger to expressing confusion to sitting there depressed and feeling betrayed, used and just duped!  These are only just a few of the feelings that came up.  I took the day while waiting for J*** to reply so I can arrange to resolve this matter and give him his stuff back and remove him from me for awhile!  The time spent waiting with him were used by my friend to comfort me and support me as I called the credit card companies to cancel my accounts and issue new ones…

- Sunday, 2/15/09 evening is when everything clashed and J*** and his ungrateful, unremorseful self came with the mother of his “friend” to retrieve his belongings.  There weren’t a lot of words exchanged.  Not even an apology!  He was belligerent and uncaring and cavalier as he retrieved his belongings from my car, gave my keys back and left.  I gave him a wave and he returned the wave…  Believe me, I was deeply sad at the loss of what I thought was a friend… IF ONLY HE KNEW HOW DEEPLY I CARED FOR HIM AND TREATED HIM LIKE A YOUNGER BROTHER.  UNFORTUNATELY, I THINK HE DOES AND STILL IS IN THE GRIPS OF HIS DISEASE!  My baby sister spends the night with me at my home…

- Monday, 2/16/09 I drive down to Cerritos with my Sister and drop off my car for diagnostics.  The unfortunate end result as I spent the day with my family eating vegetarian food is that my car needs extensive repairs… $1400.00 for clutch replacement; $800 for struts replaced, and an additional $300 in flushes that my car needs for the brakes and power steering…  Yes, it’s about $3,500 – $4,000 in repairs… I only do the clutch as that is all I can afford considering I cancelled my credit cards and can only use my debit card!

- Monday, 2/16/09 I go on-line to defer my credit card payments closer to the due dates as I do not have sufficient funds to pay for everything right now until the credit cards arrive in the mail for me to reactivate.  I am unable to find the pending payments; I trust that these pending payments were cancelled along with my credit card number change.  I schedule new payment dates.

- Tuesday, 2/17/09 I spend muddling through work…  It continues being a challenging environment!  I can’t stand my boss nor my boss’ boss!  Sheesh!!!  One is a non-compassionate overbearing micromanager, while the other is completely incapable of being organized!  I continue to feel great pain as I update my facebook “status updates” sharing my sentiments and asking whether to filing a police report or not regarding this matter…  I get unanimous votes to file the police report and not let the perpetrator get away with this and possibly victimize others in the future.  It’s a very difficult evening as I find myself scared upon coming home and barricading my door before I go to sleep for fear that J*** might barge in!

- Wednesday, 2/18/09 the fatigue and depression and anger and confusion and frustration and mixed emotions continue…  I swing from blaming myself for a fool all the way to outright anger for getting caught up in the wake of the consequences of J***’s messed up selfish alcoholic behavior!  I barely make it to the meeting as I am exhausted, but I do get through it and I go home…  I find comfort in acting out sexually, but sober with someone to release some tension!  It turns out being some of the best sober sex I have ever had!!!  I desperately needed to release my aggressions and anger and have the stress throttled out of me.  It really helped!!! 

- Thursday, 2/19/09 I arrive at work to check my checking account to make sure all payments that need to be posted are and the ones that aren’t supposed to be posted didn’t.  I find myself severely overdrawn on my checking account.  So, the credit cards payments that I requested to be cancelled never were cancelled!!!  Apparently, during the changing of credit card numbers, the updated information with my new on-line credit card number didn’t reflect any payments that I was looking for to delay the payment… I end up being overdrawn and four additional payments were made after I was overdrawn… I am penalized $39 for each transaction; yes, there was a total of four meaning I am being penalized $156!!!

- Thursday, 2/19/09 I immediately call the Bank for my checking account and explain the situation.  They inform me the charge was authorized and has already cleared; they can’t help me.  I call my credit card company to inform them of the mistake their on-line system made… That a payment that I had rescheduled for 3/2 was actually paid on 2/17 in error.  The friggin’ reps that I am talking to are idiotic international reps who can’t understand what I am saying…  After spending over 20 minutes and 2 representatives trying to explain my situation to these first level idiotic reps, I finally ask for a supervisor… The supervisor is incredibly friendly and wants to help, but lets me know her system is down and cannot help me.  I am transferred to yet another Manager to assist me.  I finally get somewhere as a conference call is made with my checking account to resolve this matter.  The Bank is not flexible and holds me liable for these charges.  The credit card company rep informs me that they will credit me for the fees incurred.

- Thursday, 2/19/09 I hang up feeling incredibly angry that the problem that started from a week ago not only is still around, but has gotten worse!!!  I have done everything I can to manage everything, but alas inconveniences between overdrawn checking accounts and cancelled credit cards renders me in paralysis when it comes to accessing my virtual or real cash!!!  This deeply exascerbates my frustration and anger with J***!!!

- Thursday, 2/19/09 I finally make the decision after much praying, talking to friends and getting some guidance from my sponsor to file a police report… Upon arriving home, I prepare the paperwork and gather the documents for the stolen credit cards and unauthorized use of my credit card to bring to the West Hollywood Sheriff’s Department.  Upon arriving there around 7:45P/8P, I am told that I don’t technically live in West Hollywood, but Hollywood and need to file my police report over at the Hollywood Police Station.  I make my way across town to the Hollywood Police Station.  I am angrier by the minute… 

- Thursday, 2/19/09 the Hollywood Police station upon hearing my story inform me that technically, I am not the victim of this crime.  That I CANNOT FILE A POLICE REPORT FOR IDENTITY FRAUD OR EVEN FOR STOLEN AND UNAUTHORIZED PURCHASES.  Identity theft is defined as someone using my identity to request for a card that I didn’t authorize.  This didn’t take place.  They wouldn’t let me file a police report for stolen and unauthorized purchases because the credit card company was willing to reverse the charges and not hold me liable for the charges as they investigate.  IT’S ONLY IF THE CREDIT CARD COMPANY HOLDS ME LIABLE FOR THE CHARGES MADE AND I DID NOT AUTHORIZE IT MAY I FILE A POLICE REPORT; THIS IS ONLY AFTER THEY HOLD ME LIABLE!!!  I couldn’t explain how much trouble this had caused me all week long…

The result of an alcoholic acting selfishly impacted me: loss of sleep, stress and compromising of my immune system, more cynical and less trusting of others, feeling unsafe in my own home, reluctance in getting closer to others for fear of this end result and just a mixed bag of emotions all week long as written above…  Not only do I feel like a victim, but I feel foolish and can’t help to think that I brought this upon myself.

Thankfully, I have a bunch of friends on facebook to help give me sound advice and support…  Moreso, I have a couple really close friends who know EVERYTHING that is going on from a moment to moment basis and really keeping a close watch on me…

Right now, I just tried installing an additional locking feature in the form of a chain to my door.  Unfortunately, the chain is too short and I need to drill new holes on the door and the frame so that the lock will reach…  I will have to do it tomorrow during the day when everyone is still awake…

So, there you have a culmination of some of what has been going on with me and this situation…  We haven’t even gotten to the part with work… I will leave that for another time to share…

Thank you again for all in the rooms of recovery and on facebook… Facebook has become an essential tool in helping me stay sober and helping me stay in solution!

Cheers,

Quoc

So, I am about to go to sleep… I need to take a moment to acknowledge yet another experience that has reshaped and impacted my life in a way that it won’t ever be the same again after today…

It all started Tuesday evening when I received a phone call from my Target Credit Card company…  I had just come home and was EXHAUSTED!  I listened as the representative listed a littany of purchases that I didn’t make because I was busy at work training!  The card was cancelled and a new card was reissued and the appropriate credits were made.  I just couldn’t believe that I was absentminded enough to leave a card behind; however I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that it could have been taken out of my wallet by the my friend who is staying with me.  I get to find out later that the location and pattern of the purchases matches up with items this person would make.  I was so upset that during the phone call, the card was being used in that given moment at a local 7-11!!!

I went to my meeting and went about my business.  I was so angry I had to ask my friend to find another place to stay the next day as I needed that time to myself.  So, Wednesday comes and I receive a phone call from him to come by to drop off his guitar.  He enters and he looks pale as ever…  I direct him to go to urgent care or the emergency room.  His friend takes him to the emergency room.  After my meeting and winding down a little, I join the friend to check in on J***.  Apparently, my friend has kidney stones…  He’s hooked up to a morphine IV and is in pain… I stay there til past midnight and finally get home as I need to sleep before training the next day.

I come home the next day to find him back home and resting up… He’s in a very very very bad mood.  So am I as my workplace is just miserable for me.  He snapped at me after I purchased juice, sparkling water and some nice light snacks to help him pass the kidney stone.  He snapped at me.  I snapped back after my meeting and tell him to not stay here if he is unwilling to be civil!  He picks up some of his things and leaves to stay with another friend.

I felt terrible about that as he was pale and in pain.  However, I just don’t do well with abuse of any kind!!!  The next day, I receive a txt message from him sharing with me that he found somewhere else to stay for the weekend and ”will be out of the way.”  I felt terrible as I wanted to take care of my sick friend and comfort him and help him recover and pass his kidney stone.  I try with all my efforts to ask him to come home and stay and get rest and be taken care of.  I receive a text message that it is “better off for the both of us that he moves on.”  I didn’t know what that meant…

So, I am sitting there Friday night listless and feeling terrible about myself for being so mean as to be so harsh with my friend that he felt the need to be away from me.  Worst yet, he felt the need to move out on Monday.  I watched TV, muddled around at home and just slept really late because I missed him so.  I was unaccustomed to his absence.

On Saturday, I spent the day sleeping in and feeling bad about myself for being so mean to him and setting healthy boundaries but at the expense of my friendship with him…  I am learning that mothering is smothering my friends.  I go to a meeting in the afternoon, then do laundry and start cleaning my desk area up of all the clutter around me.  In the midst of it are bills that beckon to be paid… I finally get more caught up with my bills… It’s a painful process trying to play catch up as I haven’t really had time to take care of my budget and keep it up to date.

In the midst of my reviewing my past months transactions, I notice a charge on January 20, 2009 for a cell phone recharge service.  It looks suspicious.  It is now past midnight early on Sunday or rather late Saturday night…  I call that merchant to verify the purchase as I am fearful it could be J*** who may have used the card.  My scariest fears are realized…  The phone charge was linked back to J***’s phone number!  The authorization was made by phone and definitely without MY APPROVAL!  I immediately start shaking with anger, fear, and frustration… It’s a poor analogy, but I now know what it feels like to be a victim of abuse… I was violated; I feel that I got raped despite my trust, affection and love for this person like a brother! 

I text my sponsor and call my friend at 2 in the morning as I am that upset!!!  I wanted to kill and hurt someone really really bad!!!  It took me til past 3AM to even fall asleep as I was that upset!!!  I step by step plans with my friend who made himself available to me all day long the next day…

So I didn’t sleep very soundly and woke up by 9:30A to shower really quick in preparation for what I know to be a very very long and hard day!  I drove over to my friend and we planned out what to do with J***’s situation.  I packed up all of J***’s stuff and placed it in my car.  My primary concern getting his stuff out of my home and getting my keys back.  I tried texting and calling him and some of his friends trying to get the situation resolved.  I didn’t get a phone call back until later in the morning.  I finally receive a phone call from J*** and I pretty much tell him that I know that he forged my information to make an unauthorized transaction.  I informed him that all his stuff has been packed in my car and he needs to come by to pick it up.  He shares with me that he isn’t available to receive the stuff.  I then give him an option of coming by ASAP to pick up the stuff… He shared with me that his friend finishes work at 6PM and they will come over then.

I spend the whole afternoon with my friend.  He tried to comfort me all day long… We did stepwork, I called credit card companies changing all my card numbers, I spent time calling my support group crying and sharing my frustration of being so violated!!!

I do not receive a text from him until past 6:20PM while I am in a meeting!!!  I am frustrated and beyond angry right now as he was stringing me along asking me to come by and drop his stuff off.  His friend who was offering him the ride txt me to let me know that he is too tired to drive to my home and to perhaps postpone til later or early in the morn.  I reply letting him know the urgency of the matter and that I needed this resolved and explained to him the credit card situation.  His reply was “OMG!!!  He left that part of the story out.”  WOW!!!  I am wondering what kind of lies J*** has been sharing. 

To make a long story short, I send a message informing him that he has til 9P to pick up his stuff or I will drop it off at the Sheriff’s Department and file a report against him for forgery of my credit card.  He manages to manipulate or talk his friends mother into giving him a ride to pick up his stuff… By the way, the whole time, there is NO APOLOGY, NO REMORSE, NO SENSE OF SHAME FOR WHAT HE HAD DONE.  He is cavalier and audacious in his actions!  I am stunned!  I am disappointed…

I am too tired to type anymore and there are a lot more details I left out, but before I retire, I need to remind myself of the following:

- what I have learned is that this person is a spiritually sick alcoholic who regardless of his intentions took action in harming me…  I am foolish to be as people pleasing and unwilling to listen to my gut that told me that he has been doing shady things.  I learned to set strong and healthy firm boundaries with him today and not need to rationalize or sympathize for the actions of his actions…

- SOMEONE SUGGESTED TO ME THAT IF THIS PERSON IS STILL NOT IN MY HOME, THEN WHY DO I CONTINUE TO LET HIM RESIDE IN MY MIND!!! AND RENT FREE SPACE IN MY MIND!!!

- What I will miss, getting to have bake nights with him, watching food network, pizza nights, crochet nights, him sitting on my balcony smoking like a chimney, getting to hike runyan canyon with him, getting to receive and give massages with him, getting to just have nice evening check ins on long evenings and getting to give and receive hugs and love as we come and go from work and meetings…  I will miss more than anything his playing and tinkering on his guitar…

I was told that HE IS NOT MY FRIEND.  HE USED ME TO STAY IN MY HOME FOR FREE.  HE MANIPULATED AND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME AND WHEN HE REALIZED THAT HIS FREE STAY WAS AT AN END, HE SABOTAGED, STOLE AND THEN LEFT MY HOME.  I have learned huge lessons from being hurt this deeply.  I am just glad that things didn’t end up worse.  I learned to reach out to my support group and ask for help and tell the truth about what is going on with me.  I learned that sick people may not feel any remorse or shame for things they are accustomed to doing.. HURTING OTHER PEOPLE.  It is a good thing I don’t fathom how that can be done.

It still hurts just the same… My thoughts are random and not organized as I haven’t eaten, slept or had anything but a normal day… It’s been emotionally, physically and mentally taxing on me all day long…  THAT IS NOT OK… 

I continue to stay in gratitude for those who do love and support me… I am not alone and I will not let the heinous incidences from the egregious actions of a spiritually sick person hurt me affect how I perceive others.

Sigh…

Quoc

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Hey folks… Just got back from hiking Runyan Canyon!!!  This time, I got to do the full hike!!!  Yippee!!!  Apparently, there are multiple trails that one can hike on… There is also an entrance on the hiking trail just up the street I live on: Vista!!!  Very cool.  The more common and main entrance is up Fuller just north of Hillside.

So, my friend John suggested we gander at taking the hike despite the gloomy and even at times sprinkling weather!!!  Ah hell!  Why not!!!  I played spontaneous and took him up on the offer…  We drove up there right after a pick me up for coffee… 

Here are pictures from our hike…  Not a lot to say, except if you haven’t hiked Runyan Canyon, you are missing out!!!  The hike is brisk and a great work out; the pay off is good health and spectacular views!!!  By the way, I couldn’t be happier to be hiking in this chilly weather as it prevented me from sweating too much!  Yippee!!!

CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO SEE THE ENLARGED VERSION OF IT!

We concluded the hike with a delicious pizza lunch at Masa in Echo Park.   YUM!!!

Now, it’s time to get down to work and apply for jobs!

Hope you will be available to take a hike with me soon!!!  Runyan Canyon is going to be a regular place for me to hike in the future to come!  There are so many other trails to venture out and enjoy… Goodness, who can ask for anything more?  Nature at it’s best right in the backyard of a crazy city life!!!

Cheers,

Quoc