Quoc’s Web Journal

10,374

So, the memorial this past weekend for Martin Meraz really had a positive impact on me…  It’s like having a car accident and being shaken up for a bit and then the immediate days and short weeks following the accident, one tends to drive safely for the duration being very mindful of how pulchritudinous and fragile life can be and to really cherish and honor it and take care of it…

Yesterday, at work (which apparently is the current bain of my very existence) I found myself sitting between two managers dueling and bickering over the right way to manage the training program and how the training program fits in with the rest of the Division…  I was asked to sit in and provide feedback…

A curious sensation came over me as I found myself very serene and in acceptance.  Sure I was a bit uncomfortable at the rapid fire of not to niceties being cannonballed from one manager to the next.  Mind you, I was sitting in the middle between them…  When it came time for me to provide my input, I carefully and selectively shared my thoughts without being blaming, hurtful, playing a victim, and MOST IMPORTANTLY WITHOUT PEOPLE PLEASING!!!  I was authentic, articulate and clear and intentional in every word uttered from my lips… 

I walked out feeling incredibly satisfied as to how I handled myself.  It wasn’t just me doing that.  I knew I had the hand of AA and the hand of my God in place during that meeting.  Better yet, I actively sought for solutions to help the situation, not harm and make worse the situation.

The outcome of the meeting?  None of my business, suffice it to say, things have not been resolved, however, I am very clear in my role during my stay with the Division.

The other highlights of the day were having an opportunity to get to be of service to a friend in need of help.  Willing to sacrifice by working an extra couple hours so I was able to pick up a friend from the hospital, buy him some delicious bran muffins and take him home to rest.  Now, these are the things that really matter!!!!

Upon arriving back to the office, I found myself a bit annoyed by yet another meeting with my Manager who wanted to FURTHER DEBRIEF the meeting I sat in on… The highlight was full of exploring the “reasoning” behind my constructive criticism and observations made of her.  Then, it was followed by a series of directives and inappropriate blaming statements lobbed at me and my conduct.  That blew away yet another 20 – 30 minutes that could have been well spent working…  However, I tolerated the experience and let the meeting play out the way it needed to and listened and DID NOT STEP INTO THE RING!  As they say, if I don’t get in the boxing ring, I can’t get into a fight and put myself and others in harms way! 

Tempting to retaliate and set boundaries?!?!  Absolutely warranted and justified.  This time, I chose not to act on that so that it wouldn’t further any conflict!!!  Oh my Gawd I need to get out of this working situation!  It’s incredibly toxic!!!  I am doing the best I can working in this environment and to do the footwork to remove myself from this situation, but man IT’S TAKING ITS TOLL ON ME!

So, what does “HIP REPLACEMENT TO DANCE” have any relevance to this blog entry and me?  It came from a fantastic share from an old friend in my recovery meeting!  I met this person 5 years ago back in the day when I was within my first year of sobriety!  I remember saying hello and then see the person take a cake for a birthday…  One candle after another, I saw not 10 candles… 23 candles… or even 40 candles… I saw them light up to 50 candles in recognition of this person’s sobriety!!!  Wow!!!  50 years clean and sober!!!  Yes, in a week or so this person will be taking a cake for 55 years clean and sober!!!  AMAZING!!!

The person ended the share by telling a story about this man who came in for a hip replacement operation.  The man asked the Doctor if he’d be able to dance after the operation.  The Doctor confidently said, absolutely you’ll be able to dance!  The man replied with glee, “THAT’S GREAT NEWS AS I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO DANCE BEFORE THIS PROCEDURE!” 

The moral of the story I am sure you’ve figured out is that in recovery, what one gets to have is not miraculous superman or wonderwoman powers as a result of getting sober if those powers were not there to begin with…  What one gets is first and foremost is RECOVERY of skills, talents and the God given abilities that were lost in the midst of covering it up with mind altering substances.  The next best thing one gets to receive is a clean slate and opened up schedule for new experiences and opportunies to develop and grow more tools and skills in not only managing and maintaining life, but to utilize these gifts to grow, develop and expand one’s life!!!

That’s good stuff!!!

Just thought I’d share with you…  I am going through a hard time at work… I am powerless over how they behave towards me and around me.  I am responsible for setting boundaries and not being a doormat to anyone without coming out swinging with a bat of my own!  Oh… perhaps one of those spongy nerf bats!!!

May you have a wonderful Tuesday!

Quoc