Quoc’s Web Journal

11,638

So, I didn’t quite know what to title my blog entry today…  I have three that I would like to write about… However, I am so tight on time, it doesn’t permit me to sit at peace or be conscious enough to write my stream of thought:

1) AA works for me because I am sicker than you are <– Powerful quote I heard in a meeting!!!

2) I-YAAAAH!! <— in response to when I am acting selfishly and in the “I.”  I must remember to follow it up with the chinese expression when one is displeased… YAAH!!!  The complete phrase… I-YAAAAH!!

3) SOBRIETY, SERENITY, SERVICE & BALANCE! <— this is an addition to my daily prayers to ask for my daily decisions be based on:

  a) What will help me stay sober?

  b) What will bring me serenity?!

  c) Make decisions when others are involved based on how I can enhance and contribute to your life and get to be of service to you…  Not based on self and fears and need to manipulate or obsess about a situation so that I get “what I need.”  This applies for work, friendships, romance and family!

  d) Am I finding balance in my life matching living the amazing life I have been blessed with because I have worked hard to maintain my sobriety and now graced with a full life?!?!

4) NEED YOUR ADVICE ON DATING!

So, considering there is limited time; I am gonna do a quick blip and ask your advice on dating… 

First, I need to acknowledge there is still yet work to do in building my self esteem as some guy that I didn’t really know apparently knew of me and has had a “crush” on my for years!  He followed up with using terms like “adorable” and “gorgeous” to describe me.  I found it difficult to accept those and receive it gracefully… As if I get a vote in influencing whether your likes or dislikes are the right one!  hehee

This only happened in the past day…  So, we got to chatting on facebook and via text message…  The ensuing messages were that he would like to “get to know me better” and “asked me out to dinner.”  OH MY STARS!  Did I just get asked out on a date?!?!  Then this guy followed up with sharing with me the type of guy he is…  “nerdy; one man kind of guy; and hopeless romantic” Um…  Has he been reading my blog or done some reconnaissance on me and figured out the very things that literally make me melt like BUTTAH?!  All the meanwhile, he is texting me that he is playing basketball with his nephew or reading a book with his niece; all the meanwhile, taking time off to be with his mother who is undergoing chemotherapy for her cancer!

WHOO HOO!!!  BRING IN THE U-HAUL AND MOVE ME IN!!!  LOL… So, that was the initial impulse… Thankfully I came to my senses and got out of my alcoholic induced impulsive fantasy and came back down to earth and now get to be mature, balanced, NOT overbearing and needy and obsessive, and smothering, not to mention insecure!!!

OK! OK!!  He’s set to come back into town on April 10th…  SO I NEED YOUR ADVICE AND YOUR EXPERIENCES ON HOW TO PROCEED…  Here are my questions and concerns that I need to bounce off ya!

1) When should I share that I have just over 8 months clean and sober?  I know there are some people who get weirded out by some rule that one shouldn’t be dating in their first year of sobriety.  I have prayed about it and talked it over with my sponsor and making very very consciencious decisions!  Do I wait for the dinner date to disclose or do I tell him before we go on a date? 

Reasons to tell him before the date?  So, he doesn’t feel badly that he may be taking advantage of a newly sober man who is shaking at the knees…  Don’t think this is necessarily my case…  But should I extend him the courtesy of getting to make that decision?

2) When should I disclose my HIV positive status to him?  It’s funny this comes up as I just spent two full hours last week in a meeting with a few strangers who asked me about all the nuances about living life as an HIV positive man…  I am part of a Community Advisory Board that is building an interactive on-line website for HIV positive men providing them with tools of successful living!

Didn’t realize I hopped off midthought…  Will finish it later…

To be continued…